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Domesticity is the process during which an individual couples the trajectory of his or her life with the travails of a popular sports team. Domesticated people are happier than their undomesticated peers, for they can diffuse their emotions through an absorbent network of sympathetic athletes. Domesticated animals rarely remember their affiliations, and as a result, experience shortened lifespans.

Prerequisites for domesticity include coupon-clipping, visors, and tax evasion.