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oooooh boy

Not unlike the first unbearable moments in your racist Uncle’s holiday tirade. I’m Leaving You’s top intern technicians are on the disk failure case, humping the keyboard with 42 different and completely unpredictable applications running. Please stand by while Episode 7 figures it’s shit out (waits for you to admit to your significant other what …Read more

You'll get your wish soon enough.

JANUARY A couple weeks in you have a dentist appointment and realize you don’t fit in at your dentist. They’re too nice. The lady, who looks exactly like someone’s wife, apologizes every time she thinks it hurts. You know how to reciprocate that kind of thing ok. You say, “It’s OK, it’s ok, it’s fine,” …Read more

Dec 21

Last Minute Shopping Tips

Written by Dan

~Please feel free to print the image and hang it up around your work place. Bonus +20 if you put it up after the 25th ~ Shopping Tips PDF


  Above you’ll find I’m Leaving You’s performance during the second half of our evening at the DC area literary event, As Was Written. The organizer of the event approached us a few minutes before the second act and said, “Good luck out there”, which was followed by a wink. We took the wink to …Read more


  I’m Leaving You does not frequently dabble in the land of live performance. However, we were recently invited to perform a two part piece for the DC area literary event, As Was Written. The event, having seen so much talent on its stage over the last few years, gave us a healthy level of …Read more

Jun 18

The New Endeavor

Written by Dan
New. Powerful. Certainly weird.

Attention please everyone, because you know that you don’t know. Ladies and skunks, the time is upon us. You’ve heard the rumors by now and it’s time for I’m Leaving You to announce some actual news in the News section. Please prepare to get sick with excitement and forget all your other influences, because North …Read more

Mar 24

Pollen All Up in My Shit Blues

Written by Justin
pollen as a medium

The dusting has begun, and I’m Leaving You is uncomfortably offended by ungrateful evergreens. The cones are open and that yellow powder is rushing out faster than negative vibes into the awakening world which can only mean we have more things to do—grass lowering, fly defense, bodily maintenance—to exist comfortably and with only minor self …Read more

Love and Gloom

JANUARY You make a lot of great resolutions. You resolve to eat organic and then find out that it’s expensive, and then you’ll think that even if chickens are called organic there may have been a point they consumed an inorganic piece of corn, grass, or pollen. Then you will buy your own chickens that …Read more

Jan 14
You too can achieve this.

Ah, Winter: season of sunless gloom, dismal freezer of suet spheres. We gather under your gunmetal grimace, gazing skyward in frigid, awestruck impotency, and as the cold overtakes us, we bellow but one desperate inquiry into your implacable overcast: How can I winterize my modest mid-sized sedan in this economy? You answer us, dear Winter, …Read more

An Unworthy Award?

Occasionally the ILY office is inundated by scams meant for milquetoast capitalists wholly motivated by the half chance some under-researched purchase will benefit their life. Though this kind of thing may fuel the lives of underprivileged, tweet-addicted weasels, it is still difficult to resist.  It’s not that we consider our enterprise more powerful than the …Read more

The Not So Distant Future

With this recent I’m Leaving You boon behind us, we engender a grievous future, full of sweat, drink, and wasting colossal amounts of time. These activities will be performed concurrently since the former two are always already occurring, and the latter always already results from the former, and so on until the onset of jaundice. …Read more

Sep 1

Site Has Lunched

Written by Justin

Thank you for joining us for the launch of, where you will find everything you need to know about food in Carrboro, NC.  Regrettably it has taken many years to flesh out our menu and determine which meats to present to you for this lunch. Listed on our site are premium meats that can …Read more

Aug 31
A vision of 2008.

Dutifully we grease our hands and torsos for another epoch of I’m Leaving You devilry. But let us pause, like fugitives toeing the edge of an open cesspool, to shake our fists at our collective past, our mistakes and indiscretions, our old website. “Hey,” you may ask, “whence this disdain?” It begins, like most disdain, …Read more